How to Grow Through What You Go Through: Pain Is Inevitable, Suffering Is Optional
No matter who we are, pain finds its way into our story. Physical pain, emotional pain, relational pain, spiritual pain—every one of us encounters moments we never asked for and seasons we would never choose.
But here’s the truth we often forget: pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional. And just as importantly, growth is optional too. You and I are not powerless passengers in our story. The way we respond determines whether pain becomes a prison or a pathway.
Pain Comes to All of Us
Jesus Himself told us plainly:
“In this world you will have trouble.” — John 16:33
Pain is a feature of a broken world, not a failure in your faith. It hits everyone—those who follow Jesus and those who don’t. If you’re experiencing pain today, it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s proof that you’re human.
Pain happens to us.
But suffering often comes from what happens inside us.
Suffering Is What We Choose When We Resist Reality
Suffering often shows up when we cling tightly to how we think life should be.
You know the script:
“This shouldn’t be happening.”
“This isn’t fair.”
“I can’t believe they said that.”
“My life wasn’t supposed to look like this.”
Suffering grows in the gap between our expectations and our reality.
We don’t choose the pain.
But we do choose how long we sit in the resentment, the bitterness, the hopelessness, or the comparison that prolongs suffering.
Suffering says, “I’m stuck here.”
Growth says, “I can move from here.”
Growth Is the Choice to Move Through the Pain With Purpose
Pain can shut us down—or it can shape us.
Growth isn’t automatic. It doesn’t just happen because time passes. Growth comes when we decide to engage the pain honestly, courageously, and with open hands rather than clenched fists.
Here are a few ways to choose growth instead of suffering:
1. Turn Toward God, Not Away From Him
Pain makes us want to withdraw. But Scripture invites us to draw near.
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted.” — Psalm 34:18
God meets us in the valley, not at the finish line. We grow when we bring Him our grief, confusion, and unmet expectations instead of pretending they don’t exist.
2. Name What Hurts
Growth requires honesty. You can’t heal what you’re unwilling to acknowledge.
For some, this means naming the fear.
For others, naming the disappointment.
For many, naming the exhaustion.
There is strength—and healing—in naming what is real.
3. Ask, “What Is This Pain Inviting Me To?”
Pain is often a messenger:
An invitation to slow down
A reminder of our limits
A call to courage
An opportunity for forgiveness
A push toward community
A moment to realign with our values
Pain is rarely the enemy. Often it is the signal.
4. Walk Through, Don’t Camp Out
Psalm 23 says,
“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”
Not sit.
Not lie down.
Not take up residence.
Walk.
Keep moving. Even one small step counts.
Pain may be part of your story, but it doesn’t get to be the whole story.
5. Choose Community Over Isolation
Suffering multiplies when we hide.
Growth multiplies when we’re honest with others.
Pain shared becomes more bearable.
Hope shared becomes more powerful.
Pain Isn’t the End — It’s the Invitation
The valley is not your home. It is the place God builds depth in you.
You may not have chosen your pain, but you can choose:
How you show up in it
What you focus on in it
Who you walk with through it
Whether you grow through it
Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
Growth is intentional.
And here’s the good news: you don’t have to navigate any of this alone. God walks with you. Grace steadies you. And every valley has an exit.
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